I am the historian for my mother’s side of the family. My maternal grandmother reared me, so I was there during her children and stepchildren’s frequent visits with her. When my grandmother died in 1967, I collected all of the cards attached to the flowers sent to her funeral. I also saved the guest book from the funeral home, along with sympathy cards and a copy of her obituary from our local newspaper.

Since that time, I have collected and saved funeral programs and newspapers’ obituaries of all family members and close friends. In 1993, when I produced a book detailing my maternal grandmother’s family history, I found and saved a lot of her siblings and their offsprings’ obituaries while searching through the archives of my local newspapers, The Macon Telegraph & News.

I keep information about deceased family members in a large suitcase in the back of a closet. The other day I took it out to add information about recently deceased family members and I came across a funeral planning guide.

In the early ’90s when reps from a predominately white funeral home were trying to integrate their cemetery, they gave me the guide and offered my family a great deal on a cluster of burial plots. It was weird being asked to buy a  burial plot, vault and casket for myself while I was among the living.

My family decided to buy about 25 plots. We followed the reps to the cemetery to look at the site they had suggested. I was floored when I saw the plots were in the back of the cemetery. “We no longer ‘do’ the back of anything,” I said with a serious attitude. They were trying to sell all of the sites in the back before moving elsewhere, one of them said.

I told them if they were paying for the plots, they could stick us anywhere, but that I spend my money only on things I desire. With my family and the reps following me as though we were in a funeral procession, I cruised throughout the vast cemetery until I came upon a newly annexed section where the road was being paved. At first sight, I knew that would be my final resting place.

So, when my husband died about 10 years later, I allowed the funeral home to handle his arrangements. It was obvious the funeral-home reps were not familiar with the protocols of African American funerals. For instance, police escorts were only used on the way to the cemetery, family members of the deceased were seated on the left side of the church, no limo was sent to pick up immediate family members for the wake, and they hadn’t heard of a repast.

I suggested that they take notes so they wouldn’t “screw up” my husband’s funeral. And I told them I expected compensation for my instructions. They offered me a bag of coffee beans and the use of a coffee grinder and coffee pot. “It’s June – black folks drink very little coffee when it’s hot,” I said. So the funeral home sent me a case of sodas and a pound cake.

A week after my husband’s services, I stopped by the funeral home to order a ground-level headstone. Since I’ll be buried next to him, I bought a shared headstone. I chose a maroon granite and leather covering with gold Old English type.

The rep suggested that I put my name and date of birth on the headstone, and when the time came it would only be necessary to put the date of my death on it. “I don’t think so, but thank you for thinking of me,” I replied. The rep burst into laughter. She apologized but couldn’t stop laughing because she said I answered her with an attitude while moving my neck and head to the beat of my words.

Since my husband’s funeral, I’ve planned or helped plan four other family members’ funerals as well as written their obituaries and designed their funeral programs. So, I’ve decided to make my funeral arrangements while I’m still alive.

My plot and headstone have been purchased. I’ve written my obituary for the funeral program, now I need to write one for the newspaper. I’m going to design my funeral program in the format of a book with the width of each page slightly wider than the preceding page. I’m going to use pictures to define my life – from childhood through the present – and this information and my final requests will be stored on a disc. Then, I’m going to follow the steps in the funeral planning booklet to complete my arrangements.

It won’t be fun, but at least I’ll know my final arrangements will be to my satisfaction.

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